Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
