the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
