about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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