Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
