I'm passing your future prison.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
then he tried to convert me to islam
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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