You really coming over, don't trick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
