Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
