On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
