no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
