What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
