I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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