Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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