i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
