Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
