Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
