porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
