Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
