I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
