No stitches, just platelets and will power
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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