Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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