we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
