Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
babies were throwing up all over the place
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
