I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
