Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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