...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
