I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
