I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
