So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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