Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
