New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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