im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The air taste purple.
Randomize
