1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
