I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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