i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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