We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
