Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
babies were throwing up all over the place
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
