I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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