when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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