How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
