I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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