if i can run in heels then i can drive
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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