he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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