I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
