Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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