i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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