Welp...herpes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
3pm strippers are depressing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
