If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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