it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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