Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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