when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
